


Family Is As Family Does

by Linnrinn



Series: Death Is Only The Beginning... [10]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28671489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linnrinn/pseuds/Linnrinn
Summary: Booker makes a decision after his kidnapping and rescue...
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Death Is Only The Beginning... [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066418
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	Family Is As Family Does

**Author's Note:**

> for the usual preliminaries...
> 
> sadly monolingual and my bilingual friends and family don't speak the languages i used so google translate was my go to. if any fluent speaker has additional assistance, its much appreciated.
> 
> this story is a part of a larger one, so i recommend going back to the beginning of the series so you have the context and aren't fully lost...

The Guard had returned to Surrey after rescuing Booker and dealing with Kozak. It was agreed upon that they would escort Copley home before deciding what to do next, whether it be a mission or a pause to catch their collective breaths. The few planned days in Copley’s house had lazily turned into almost two weeks but no one seemed to mind.

The majority of them were in the kitchen at the moment, a warm atmosphere bubbling happily along with what Nicky was cooking. The Italian seamlessly gave orders to the others in his own language, with Joe stepping to obey immediately while Nile frowned and slowly translated the little she knew from what Nicky had been teaching her and her better grasp of Spanish.

Joe sneakily nipped a portion of cheese from the pile Nile grated and winked conspiratorially at her.

“Joe, are you done cutting those vegetables?” Nicky asked. Joe paused his chewing immediately and nodded in order that his husband would not see the evidence of his pilfering.

“Good. And I better not find you eating everything you cut. It will be half gone by the time I need it.” Nicky’s blue eyes drifted over him suspiciously, but turned back to watch the milk warming on the stove like a hawk.

Grinning, Nile reached back to swipe a mushroom from Joe’s cutting board, right before Nicky turned around again. The game quickly devolved into who could filch the most tidbits without getting caught.

Andy and Quynh sat at the dining room table, kindly keeping score for the two with grins and silently raised fingers in counting. Quynh’s feet were thrown into Andy’s lap and the older woman was smiling gently, something they all were overjoyed to see her doing more of these past few months.

Nile was winning when Booker scurried into the kitchen and up to the table. Without preamble or explanation, he produced a phlebotomy kit and proceeded to go through the process of taking her blood. He ignored the questions looks of the others; his brow furrowed as he worked quickly against Andy’s healing to collect the sample.

“Hey!” She glared up at him.

“Not now,” he answered, leaving as quickly as he came. Joe and Nile shared a bewildered look while Nicky stared contemplatively into the pan he was stirring.

The past few days had been filled with Copley and Booker sifting through the contents of Kozak’s computer and digital storage, reviewing her research. The others had given them space, food, and a steady supply of coffee but otherwise left them to their devices.

“What was that all about?” Nile frowned.

Andy shrugged, pulling off the tourniquet Booker had left in his haste around her bicep. “No idea.” Quynh reached out to rub soothingly at the skin where Booker had stuck her, despite the already healed skin.

“I’d imagine he will fill us in sooner or later. For now, Nile was winning.” Andy smirked and pointed at the young woman.

“Winning what?” Nicky turned just as Nile and Joe each lunged to grab something off the other’s cutting board. Swearing in Italian, he beat them off with a spoon and banished them to the table to wait.

A half an hour later, dinner was on its final legs of preparation when Copley and Booker entered the kitchen together.

“We found something,” Copley said, frowning at a tablet in his hand. Everyone turned their attention to the two men expectantly.

Booker took a seat at the table and gestured to Copley to do the same. “Andy has cancer.”

“What?!” Confusion circled the room. Nicky had turned away from his carefully watched dish and Nile looked concerned from where she sat next to him on the counter. Joe frowned, getting up to leaned a hip against the counter, arms crossed as if bracing. Quynh had sat up ramrod straight, feet on the floor, face pale.

“Well, _had_ cancer,” he corrected hastily. “A pretty advanced and aggressive stage of cancer. The few-weeks-to-live type.” If possible, the kitchen’s stillness turned to immovable stone.

“End stage pancreatic cancer to be exact,” Copley added, still frowning at his tablet.

“One of the faster spreading cancers,” Joe recalled.

“Yes,” Copley affirmed. “The lab work indicates it probably spread to other important parts of her body.” A pin could drop and it would have been heard and at the same time a bomb could have gone off in that moment and none of them would have flinched.

“So, Andromache is sick?” Quynh asked in quiet despair.

“No, we don’t believe she is anymore,” Copley soothed urgently.

“Time out,” Nile said from where she sat on the counter. Her hands formed a ’T’. “Can we rewind and start from the beginning?”

Murmurs of agreement were voiced and Booker nodded.

“As you know, we were going through Kozak’s research. We found the results from Andy’s blood and tissue samples from last year at Merrick’s lab. CA-125 tests showed positive for tumor markers. Ultrasound scans were also able to confirm it. There are much more sensitive tests for detecting it, CTs, MRIs, PETs, but her cancer was advanced enough to be prominent enough for the tests Kozak performed to indicate its presence.” Booker spilled a file of paperwork in front of them as if to prove a point.

“But she’s alright now,” Joe asked. “I’m guessing that blood draw Booker did was for a preliminary test?”

Copley nodded. “Yes, with the rudimentary lab I have here. I can arrange a more comprehensive work up but we are convinced she doesn’t have it now.”

“Is this the reason for Andy’s stint as a mortal?” Nicky asked, mind obviously whirring and calculating behind his blue eyes.

Booker raised his hand in the fencing signal for a hit. “That’s what Copley and I were thinking. She was fine until after the kill floor in Sudan, something that Merrick had pointed out. She must have developed a fast-acting kind that was shunting all of her healing to fighting the cancer and couldn’t handle anything else. Either her healing was able to fight it off, or the death in Flam reset her system. A bad case of her immortality crossing wires for a bit.”

“Were she human, she would have died in a matter of weeks,” Copley added.

Quynh looked rather upset at the revelation, climbing into Andy’s lap to rest her head on the older woman’s shoulders.

“I’m right here, _người yêu dấu_ ,” said quietly, smoothing Quynh’s hair as she held her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Kozak was especially eager to get her hands on you, Andy,” Nile recalled. “This explains why.”

“I’m glad I blew her up,” Quynh’s muffled voice came from Andy’s shoulder.

Booker shuddered. “All of us are.”

“Even better news,” Copley diverted. “We looked for evidence of tampering or digital traces of the information going to other people or places and found none. Basically, we’ve tied off the ends that we needed to. You all are safe and remain anonymous.”

“Good.” Andy affirmed. “Now that I am _not_ dying, can we eat?”

\- - -

It was late. The two in the morning kind of late. But Booker wasn’t tired. Sleep had evaded him since their return from Singapore. Rather than toss and turn uselessly in the room given him, he stood before the large glass walls of the house, staring out into the night. The moon was full, giving him some light to see by and the stillness was comforting. In his hand, he gently held two fingers of brandy in a tumbler, swirling it absently.

A shuffling noise startled him and he whirled, only to find Joe holding his hands out peaceably. Booker looked back at him warily. Cautious. Upon his return, they had been tentatively orbiting around each other, never quite meeting or touching, but testing the spaces between them.

“You are still up?” Joe asked.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Same.” Joe hesitated. “Want to go for a walk?” He indicated the front garden below them.

Booker gave him an assessing look before draining his glass. “Alright.”

The two descended wordlessly down the outer side stairwell, drifting in between the hedges and walls of leaves and branches. The soft sounds of night were the only other things present in that moment. They did not say anything for a while, and Booker wondered if it was really just a walk when Joe sighed and turned his face upward, moonlight reflecting gently across his tanned skin.

His eyes were scanning the sky as if looking for something before he said, “Booker, I need to ask for your forgiveness.”

It was honestly the last thing Booker expected from Joe and he looked at the other man in surprise. It stunned him into him silence and Joe took it as indication that he was listening.

“A lot of my anger was because of what you did, how you betrayed us and chose death over us. How our family wasn’t enough for you to want to stay in this world,” Joe said quietly, face still tilted upwards. Booker winced, feeling every word impact in his gut as truth tended to do.

“But part of my anger, I now realize, was anger at myself.” Joe turned to frown at Booker. “I was angry at myself because I didn't truly see your grief, even though I knew it was there.”

“I felt guilty because I now know what my happiness did to you…what it still does to you when you see it. I failed to help you because I had what immortality had privileged me with. I had gained, and you had only lost. I’m sorry, Booker.”

Booker shook his head. “Joe, you are not responsible for how your happiness affects me. You are allowed to and have every right to be happy with Nicky. And I _want_ that for you both. I hope you have it for the rest of your days.”

“I should have- “

Booker held up a hand, halting him mid-sentence. “I saw yours and Nicky’s happiness as a reason to excuse my own grief and anger, Joe. That’s all on me. Please don’t feel like you have to hide or dim your happiness for my comfort. That is an unfair thing to have even suggested you consider.”

“I should have helped you.”

“I didn’t want to be helped.” Booker sighed. “When I lay strapped to that table, I realized what I had put you and Nicky through. Not only the trauma to yourselves, but having to see someone you love going through it. I imagine it was worse than suffering the torture yourself. What I couldn’t imagine was watching any of the others as it happened. As lonely as it was, I’m almost grateful I was alone.”

Booker turned to the other man. “I did something unforgivable to you, and the others, and I am sorry for that. I know that doesn’t take away what happened, but if there is something you would ask of me, I would do it. This family is enough for me, Joe. Far more than I could have ever imagined or hoped for.”

Joe’s arms reached out and yanked Booker into an embrace. Booker stood again in shock for the second time that night before hesitantly wrapping his arms around the other man.

“ _Je ferai mieux, mon frère_ ,” Joe said in French. While he could speak it fluently, the tone and cadence were a bit clumsy as it was not a language he used as often.

“Joe-”

“No. No matter what you say, I could have done more, even when you didn’t want it. I will do better. I will see your grief and help you bear it rather than leave you to drown in it. I will not shy away from your burdens because they are difficult to be around. Your decisions were a cry for help; a call to be known and heard and validated and I will not make the mistake of ignoring that. I promise you this.”

Booker’s arms tightened. “Thank you. Just know that any perceived fault of yours does not lessen my own. It was still my choice and I made the wrong one. Before I expect anyone else to help me, I need to help myself. I need to choose this family over my grief. I selfishly wanted someone to witness my hurts and ended up causing hurt instead. _Sa'afeal ma hu 'afdal ya 'akhi._ ”

Booker reciprocated the last statement in his even more remedial, ear grating Arabic, but Joe smiled at the attempt gratefully.

“So, what now?” Joe asked.

Booker nodded. “Now, we decide how we are going to move forward. As a family.”

\- - -

The Guard gathered together the next morning in the kitchen, breakfast a quiet affair. Joe had been up since before dawn, performing morning prayers when they weren’t on the run or on mission. Booker and Quynh had taken to making breakfast that morning as well, putting to use a waffle maker that was secreted in the back of one of the kitchen cupboards. For being in the military, Nile was surprisingly not a morning person and took every opportunity to sleep in when she could. Andy was even less so, to the point of sleeping in to the slothful hours of the day if they didn’t have anywhere, they needed to be. Nicky was the only one who waffled between the two, depending on the day and the context. In respect for the ones slow to wake, Booker waited until after they’d made a dent in the food to call their attention. He cleared his throat.

“I-“He paused. “I should have done this a long time ago,” he said with a self-deprecating huff.

Joe was the only one who did not look surprised at the statement.

“I need to apologize. For everything. For betraying you. For the years of being too consumed to see the family I had in front of me. I’m sorry. I hurt this family and I made a mistake,” Booker’s knee bounced restlessly under the table but he stared resolutely at the others.

No one said anything for a moment.

Andy sighed, sitting up straighter. “I forgave you soon after, Book. You betrayed us, but we didn’t do shit all to make you hesitate and that’s on us. On me.”

Booker nodded in acknowledgement, then turned to Nicky and Joe.

“I would not condemn any man for a mistake, seeing as I have made my own.” Nicky’s eyes drifted to Joe. “And I have been forgiven for it. So, shall I forgive you.”

Joe took his husband’s hand in agreement. “For your betrayal, we forgive you. I forgive you. For our neglect in seeing your pain, we ask for your forgiveness. All of our hurts still exist and will for a while longer, but we can control how we live.” 

Nile grinned and leaned back in her chair. “All I wanted from the beginning was an apology. I’m good.” Her nonchalant response elicited chuckles from the team.

“Thank you,” Booker replied. “I know I don’t deserve any of this. But I’m going to do better and be better.”

“That’s all any of us can ask of each other, “Quynh answered quietly, almost to herself.

“It’s also why I am leaving.”

Everyone startled, staring up at him in surprise.

“What? Why?!” Nile asked.

Booker’s shoulders immediately hunched in his protective manner, but he sighed and forced himself to unfold and pull his shoulders back. “I- I need some time. I may have your forgiveness, but it does not change the fact that I am a fucking mess. And I don’t think I will change if I don’t leave.”

“You don’t have to leave us to grow and change, Booker,” Andy reminded him. “The fact that we are having this conversation is proof of you taking steps to change.”

Booker shook his head. “I need to take more steps, Andy. You are all a comfort to me. A place that is safe and warm and familiar. I need to be uncomfortable and face my grief and my loss. I need to find myself and who I am, alone, before I can allow myself to be with you all. It’s not fair for me to always take because I haven’t bothered to grow myself.”

“Why can’t we help you?” Nile asked, obvious distress in her tone.

“It is not something that others can do for me, _Petit_ ,” Booker said gently, torn that this decision was causing it. “I am doing this for you all. So that when I come back, you are all better for it. I refuse to hurt you all anymore.”

“Your presence doesn’t hurt us, Booker,” the young Marine was growing frustrated.

Andy turned to her. “Stop, Nile.”

“But-”

“Let it go, kid.” She said firmly. “I once let you leave because you said it’s what you wanted. Let him do the same.”

Andy turned to look at Booker. “If this is something you feel you need to do, do it. We will be waiting for you when you get back.”

At that announcement, Nile’s chair scraped the floor as she rose and left the table. The slam was heard as she exited the front door. Booker stared miserably at his shoes.

The Scythian rose and gave him a hug. “Give her a moment. She will come around. Take care of yourself while you are out and about.”

The Frenchman gave a small smile. “You too, Andy. You aren’t allowed to go mortal again until after I get back.”

“I will do my best. I’ve got a few things keeping me here a while longer.”

Even as Andy let go, Quynh slipped in between them to give Booker a hug. He grinned.

“We will both be a little better when you come back, hm?” She smiled sweetly.

“We will,” he affirmed. “For now, ask Andy to get you a flame thrower and a gatling gun to play with.” He chuckled when the woman turned to her lover with hopeful eyes and Andy rolled her green ones in return.

He turned to both men and gave them each a firm hug. He was going to miss his brothers. “Take care of them, as much as they can take care of themselves. Andy can’t live on baklava and alcohol alone.”

(“Watch me,” the Scythian had growled under her breath.)

“Quynh will become vitamin D deficit if she binges tv all day. Nile will need people to love on her, especially the days where she feels low.”

The other two men nodded. Nicky placed a hand on his shoulder. “Come back to us soon. You and I, we will continue to do good together.” United in their conviction in response to their past mistakes, Booker felt longing in his chest. It was going to be so hard being gone from his family. But it was a part of doing good for himself and for them.

“Maybe you will actually miss me this time around,” Booker joked at Joe, but the man didn’t take the bait. Instead, he started back at him with soulful brown eyes, a hand reaching out to pull him in for one more embrace. “I missed you even then, Booker. We aren’t complete without you. Don’t leave us waiting too long. Call if you need anything.”

“Only if you do the same.” With a deep breath, he pulled away, once again finding tears in his eyes. One last glance and he turned and left the kitchen, stopping to pick up the go bag he’d left at the door that morning. At the bottom of the stairs, he spied Nile standing alone in the driveway, staring out at the road and gardens that were still dewy with the early morning. He approached quietly and stood next to her, giving her time.

“You’re leaving right now?” She asked quietly.

“Yes.”

Silence.

Her head tilted downward in a dismal acceptance. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I know,” he answered simply.

The rising of the sun broke through the foggy morning, bringing warmth to their cold faces.

“Do you really have to?”

“I do.”

“I want us to be together as a family.” The statement was laden with anxiety, something Booker noticed she seemed to struggle with and had tried to watch out for. He hoped the others would do so in his place. Booker sighed, the hurt in her tone making his chest ache. She had lost one family already and only wanted the one she had left to stay together.

“I do, too. And that’s why I have to go, Nile.” A sniffling sound did him in. Turning, he pulled her tight to him and held her as her tears wet his shirt.

“How l-long?” She stuttered.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “But not for forever.”

“Can I contact you? Please?”

Booker nodded his head against hers. “Anytime. Call. Text. Whatever you need. I will still be here for you.” They stayed like that for a while before Nile finally took a deep breath and pulled away enough to look up at him.

“You asshole. You are leaving me with the Ancients! You and I are the closest in age, but it's like you're leaving me with the grandparents while you go off to summer camp!”

Booker chuckled. “Take care of them while I’m gone. You are good for them.”

“You stay gone too long and you are gonna get an ass chewing,” she warned.

He gave a mock salute. “Yes, Corporal Freeman.”

She gave him a sad smile and then cradled his face with both of her hands. “Before we rescued you, I told Andy you would find your courage. It takes courage to come back to us, to admit your mistake and try to amend them. To try to live life when you would rather lie down and never get up again. To sacrifice for family. Even to leave for a time for their sake. You are courageous, Sebastian Le Livre, and I’m proud of you.”

“ _Merci, rivièrette,_ ” he answered. The name gave her a grin and a roll of her eyes. Happy that she was smiling, he kissed her cheek and turned to walk down the path. With each step, that damned ache grew in him like a pressure cooker, and he knew he was leaving his heart there with them all. And it wouldn’t ease until he was with him again. But it did nothing to deplete the resolve he felt with each step he took into the light of the morning.

This was right. Not easy, but right. For him. For his family.

**Author's Note:**

> *người yêu dấu (dear one)  
> *Je ferai mieux, mon frère (I will do better, my brother)  
> *Sa'afeal ma hu 'afdal ya 'akhi (I will do better, brother)  
> *Petit (little one)  
> Merci, rivièrette - thank you, little river (diminutive suffix added to word for river (riviere) for affection/endearment)
> 
> as ive been writing these stories, i knew that Booker would be kidnapped and have to make a tough decision for the family he previously betrayed, but at the same time i didn't feel a decision that was forced by circumstance truly allowed him to show his work at healing and changing. i wanted to see him make a decision that was entirely up to him, nothing forcing his hand.   
> ironically, as i was writing this, i was in Nile's camp. Found family is my jam, and i just want to see them happy and together, so this was difficult to send him off, but I'm glad i did! Booker needed to do it. and i am relieved to finally have hit a point in this series where he and Joe are in a better place and that he's apologized officially to the Guard. We didn't actually get to see that in the film, so its a step i felt he needed to take. 
> 
> i have some idea in my mind of how i see their immortality working (how do drug and medical alterations affect or don't affect their body, why they can have piercings that don't just heal over, ect), and a glitch in andy's made sense for explaining her mortality. i feel like trauma, while violent and extensive, is straightforward in healing while something like cancer would be more of a wrench thrown into things when it comes to bodily healing.
> 
> Next story up maybe next weekend (??) i work ten hour shifts at times and my wake up time is 3.30a so during the week its go to work, go home and sleep, wash, rinse, repeat! Sundays are my only down time! But its written so i just need to edit. 
> 
> after that, i may tackle a much longer project, still in the timeline i've set up in this series but it will take me a bit of time!


End file.
